thirty-three: kolkata

We're finally here: Kolkata in all its hot, humid, sweaty glory. Currently, we have escaped the Ballygunge flat for my aunt's house... a change of scenery. My sister and my cousin Rudhir are involved in an intense pillow fight and Debjani and Chandni, my other two cousins are watching. We are waiting for our cousin Dyuti to get out of the shower to go to lunch.

Being here has been.... interesting. In some ways, I feel a disconnect from my other cousins who always get to talk to each other and are so close and in some I am still so glad to be here. I just wish we actually did stuff, like actually begin shopping, hanging out at places, and so on. But it's so awfully hot right now. Sigh.... I guess Calcutta always has me in mixed feelings.

I've been occasionally practicing my Bengali more, but I feel very self-conscious still and can't always grasp the words I want properly. It's embarrassing. And then my mother always has to tell people I take Hindi at school and expects me to practice speaking that, too! It's a lot of pressure, sometimes, and I do feel a little inadequate. That isn't to say that I haven't been brushing up on hindi. I do have my hindi books to practice exercises and have been consequently racing through some of my lessons from last year... it's nice, even relaxing.

We'll see how this trip goes. I know parts will be very enjoyable, but I am still apprehensive for some reason...